Can you believe it?!

Hi friends,

When I need a pick-me-up I make a very specific list.

Zoom coffees are one of my favorite things about being alive right now. My dear friend and Peace Corps bestie Liana (yes, the Liana from the book!) and I were talking during my time in Armenia about how much I hate leaving people I love to go somewhere new (and if you’re reading this and you’re in a place I used to live, yes, I’m talking about how much I hated leaving you. I’m a total sap.).

Liana said, “Brent jan, you’re falling apart all over the world.”

So Zoom coffees help me pick up the pieces. I jump in the little rectangle portal and teleport (just sound and sight) into a friend’s office or living room or wherever and talk and talk.

A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend so far away from where I live now. She was having a hard time with many different kinds of things happening in her life - family, work, home… the gamut.

And I said, “You know what I do? When I feel like life is beating me up, and I worry with regret or just sadness of things I wish hadn’t happened, I go to my journal and I write: “Can you believe it?” And then I make a list.

Can you believe it?

That’s where my page starts. Then after that I write the things that are true in my life that could follow that phrase. These aren’t just things I’m grateful for. These are the big radical things. The things that fill me with gratitude and change my posture, the way I lean in or out of my day. And it can be anything that follows that sentence, but you have to mean it. It has to feel real coming from you. Here are my own examples from my own list:

I never in a million years thought I’d be able to live close enough to my parents that I get to see them nearly any time I want. AND THEY GET TO KNOW MY KIDS! Can you believe it?!!!!

Nearly every night after I read out loud to my kids, we lay in bed for quiet reading and we all read our OWN BOOKS! Can you believe it?! I CANNOT!

My childhood best friend moved home from San Francisco, and after twenty years of living far apart, I’m getting to know her adult self and it’s like all the things I loved about her are magnified and in bloom and then there’s all these other things I love about her that I’m just getting to know and she lives close by now and I’ve seen her so much over the past year. Can you believe it?!

The deer that live near us have started to recognize the sound of my car when we drive up after school and they walk close to us knowing that I’m going to tell my kids to go empty out the leftover fruit and seeds from their lunch. It’s magic. Can you believe it?!

That might feel corny to you, but, oh how that little list lifts me up. I can hardly believe those things are true of my life, and it fills me with awe. I could go on (like, I wrote a book that people have actually read and talk to me about! My kids go to a school that feels like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood! My parents and I are incredibly close after finally getting out of the trap of the homophobic religious traditions we were raised in!).

Yeah, there’s bad stuff that scares me. But it’s incredibly important to say the stuff that builds up your hope and joy. For me, it’s critical (Remember what Stacy Abrams said????)

So make your ridiculously hopeful “Can you believe it?!” list. And please tell me what’s on it!

Quilt top on the floor made of small squares arranged according to color in a kind of swirl pattern

Speaking of wonderful things…

My mom set up some cookie decorating for my kids this past weekend. My daughter went through every step with me when showing me this cookie, detailing her efforts.

“I mixed red, green and yellow icing to make the boots and bag. And then I used snowflakes and silver balls for the beard…” Is it too early for Christmas cookies? Who cares!

A parent asked me at school in casual conversation if it was too early to put up her Christmas tree.

I said, “Have you seen the news? Put up the Christmas tree. Follow your bliss!”

We can talk caveats any time, but honestly, follow your joy. Another friend of mine keeps his Christmas decorations up until March “because it feels good”.

Go for it. Fa la la la lose yourself in whatever the joy is, baby!

Throwback: A New Tradition

On December 14, 2009, I wrote this bit after a night/morning of decorating my family’s Christmas tree from half a planet away. Remember Skype? Remember what was happening between my family and I at the time (available for your memoir reading pleasure here). And still, this happened. It’s a memory I’m so very glad I wrote about so I can keep going back to it.

A couple more things:

If you want a queer friendly (though not entirely family friendly) playlist where classics from Bing Crosby mix with RuPaul’s bodacious dance track “Hey Sis, It’s Christmas”, my Put a String On It playlist is still here for ya! I’m already very much listening and bopping around town to it. And I guess this newsletter is now about Christmas. ::shrugs and smiles::
In a hard pivot, I’ve been having a lot of conversations about climate change. My thinking is always evolving and is really grounded by the generous writing of Indigenous Americans. My dad and I have had many talks about The Serviceberry by Robin Wall Kimmerer which broadened my hope and gave me real scaffolding for approaching climate change in a practical way.

More soon!

XO - Brent

PS. Many of you know me through my work at Alight (formerly American Refugee Committee). Government cuts to foreign aide (and the ripple effect that has on the giving of private citizens) has been devastating. Need help with language on how to talk to your community about why it’s important? Friends at Alight put together this quick cheat sheet on how to talk about why foreign aide matters. Check it out here.